The Pursuit of Normalcy: Finding your Authentic Self in the Workplace
Allow me to (re)introduce myself
My sister, Breshaé (right) & me
I grew up in the inner city of Kansas City, in an immigrant neighborhood, with a young, single mom who worked odd jobs to survive. I was surrounded by poverty—paycheck to paycheck. I remember standing in line at the food banks. I remember being adopted by a family for Christmas. The back of our garage had gang graffiti. Like many Americans, we had food stamps and lived in Section 8 housing. My mom did her best, and I honestly didn't know any different.
I was exposed to very different circumstances when I was a little older. Visiting family members, I began to form a perception of what I thought was a normal life. The juxtaposition of their daily lives versus mine was disheartening. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was envious. At a certain point, I vowed to get out of the ghetto no matter what. In hindsight, that meant I didn't allow myself to get close to people because I didn't want to be tied down to a place. I was seeking what I considered normal. So, I forgot my past and recreated myself.
Fast forward, I started to play the corporate game. I got really good at playing this rich white girl persona and worked my way up to a director role. I took fake it ‘til you make it to the extreme. I was very good at code-switching. I watched people I wanted to emulate very carefully and became the persona I created. But it wasn't me.
Until recently, my coworkers would have never guessed the adversity I faced to get to where I am now. As a teen and then as a young adult trying to establish myself in the workplace, I was ashamed when I looked back at my upbringing. I hid that part of me. I didn't want people to think I wasn't one of them. I just wanted to be normal. I took for granted all the experiences that led me to where I am now.
Now, I've found the beauty of adversity. Maybe it's because we're becoming a more inclusive society, but I feel more comfortable being my authentic self today. I am normal. My childhood shaped the adult me. But I'm not a victim of circumstance. I embrace myself ... now.
Here are ways that I started showing up to work as my authentic self:
I told my story.
Everyone has a life outside of work. You don't have to leave your personal life behind at work. People expect you to have similar responsibilities outside of work. For instance, I'm a mom, and my son comes first. Most parents who work with you will be on the same page. Be transparent about what's going on in your life. Your colleagues may be able to help with this situation. When you're open about your personal life, it allows your colleagues to connect with you on a human level and permits them to be open with you.
I learned my boundaries.
I used to equate my self-worth with my hard work, which established unhealthy boundaries with my employers. After I became a mom, I realized that I couldn't be everything to everyone all the time. Speak up if coworkers are overstepping boundaries. Saying something helps people recognize when their behavior is inappropriate and even stressful to others, and they may have been unaware of this before. When everyone feels comfortable establishing boundaries, this can help instill a more authentic environment in which to work.
I stopped playing the game.
This was the hardest, but I had to retire my persona and start showing up authentically at work. This is me:
I'm a hot mess mom. We're lucky if my son has both shoes on. I also can't tell you how often I've left my son's lunch on the counter. 😬
I'm a badass creative. My experiences shape how I see the world, and that's evident in my writing and design. My perspective only enhances my work product. 🎨
I work hard ... during office hours. These days I only have a little leeway on this one because I'm a full-time mom outside of office hours. 🏃🏼♀️
I'm Latina. My culture is everything to me, and I want to celebrate mine AND those of others. 🇵🇦
I'm verbose. I've been silenced in open work settings before, and I can tell you it WON'T happen again. 🎙️
I'm forthright. I used to think this was a hindrance, but it's part of my upbringing. It's called Midwestern honesty. Google it. 😇
From all this, I have learned that being me means I'm finally happy. I have more space to discover more about myself, stretch myself, and grow. Your work self doesn't have to be a persona. Be you.
My son, Arie & me
I want to challenge you all to start showing up to work as your authentic selves because you will be happier and healthier. I'm not saying you need to tell everyone all of your business. But try to implement one of these and see what happens.
Have you ever code-switched at work? I'd love to hear more about your experiences. Comment below!